Gushing out...

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there isn't any one to listen..
there isn't any place to fly...
there isn't any way to get out
there aint no more space...

you think you'd have someone waiting
you feel there is something at the end
you come to know its just what to thought but...
there aint no space its all shut...


None is perfect in this world
none likes to cry on their own
none ever wants to ba hated and yet
there aint no space yet.


people around are busy doing work
people think you dont really need them
people feel you have no problem at all, and so,
there aint no space at all...

Freedom... what on earth is it?

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What the hell is freedom..
or perhaps what the "heaven" is it?

Freedom ain't being totally free,
When you get lost in the crowd...
Freedom ain't separation of the thread off the kite....
To get lost in the currents of the wind..
sometimes, It feels better to be restricted..
Wasn't the Kite much free with the thread tied on???

Missin life...

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I woke to the steps you took..
the sound of the drag,
that you cause to your feet..
the voice that carries your words,
as sounds to my ears..
you were my alarm,
i snooze u out with the harsh words down,
still u' be right back
to the service at my bed..

i say u this i call you that..
u never mind.. cause u made me a brat
you darling sweety pie..
talks things that u know, she'll just lie..

u made me think.. U made me write
u gave me courage
to act smart even if im not
now i m standing up right here
and you know its all cause u are near

tomorrow..
i wont have you,
i wont listen nor would i snooze
cause that world demands me to do
things on my own.. things that are tough
things i thought i would never do
without your part....


Then... will u know..
will you hear me cry?
will u feel me missing you?
will you heed my pain..?


I need to survive
i ought to live....
my life..
how tough or thory it'll seem
i know at the end,
the fruit is sweet...
n don't worry..
i'd be back..
to sleep all day long.. as you keep waking me still....
asleep... enjoying..
I'm at home..


To the great person with the beard.. and his wife..
who to my luck or vice versa... are the one's who welcomed me here.. to Earth..


Love u...
i know.. and its true..
i m nt here without U..!!


the questions of my question...

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well...
every point in life..
deserves a question
a question which carries millions of answers...
a question which arises million others..
a question none would ever have thought of...
a question which everyone hesitates to ask..
thats life...
a question of all questions..
a question whose answer none has found as yet
some say there is no answer at all...
and some feel the answer is within you..
actually... a question always has an answer...
how so ever stupid it might be...
may be you are too lazy to find the answer out..
by hitting off the norms of your brain..
or perhaps the answer's too bitter
for you to realize...
either ways, the answer Exists..!!!!


people say,
you never question about your existence,
you never ask what life is,
you never are inquisitive,
and never would you think of such a question..
which your so called mighty brain says...
Is Stupid to think of..
well..
truth is that,
you ask what is life...
you think over it
you sleep over the question.
and when you realize you are'nt really sleeping
cause the question's eating more than half
of your unused cerebrum, cerebellum.. and what so ever is there...
you quarantine it in the "stupid question list" or,
vault it as a non answerable statement,
like the political issue of "who'll take responsibility"
and thats it... its dead..
someday again you think...
repeat all steps from point 0
may ba try a different way..
and the answer is the same..
null change..
get back to sleep...

One day,
the inquisitive you,
goes online, or reads some book..
you see, people with your same questions
some great person has answered them..
you don't think but would just accept..
cause what he said seema absolutely perfect
you thinks he's great
you start worshiping him..
but what he deserves is not a worship..
Its an appreciation..

You search for anwers on the book, magazines..
and god knows where else "some one elses brain have worked"
the one thing you missed..
is search within you...
well.. its totally agreeable that you don't know...
but why can't one think over the fact.. "how did that person arrive at the answer for my question, which i seem to accept??"

Thats where you come into the shoes of enlightenment...
people wont accept this last line..
"Shoes"... "enlightenment"?!?!?
cause its in the mind that most of the enlightened people don't wear shoes..
they walk bare footed....
so what.. lets make a difference..
lets wear the boots of enlightenment.. which prtects you
from stepping on shits of ignorance,
from the thorns of stupidity,
bugs of impeccable flaws... :P
and well o well.... keep you safe and clean..!!!

i neither blame nor preach...
its just my stupidity that i corrected..
all the "you"s used to go to me...
so when does it go off from you????






The lil bug and fly!!!

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I was working in the workshop..
when i saw these golden bugs
a cute lil family
the mother trying had to get out of the sealed window
with he kids on its edge trying their level best with their
immature body.. undefined.

the mom just tries climbing up...
through the window just opened
falls...
and in 5 more minutes..
the family moved.. or migrated.

the all about me...

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I'm still on the trail of self discovery... But for now.. i could manage saying these...


Grown up to be a brat.... The realization of self, vitally plays a part in the life of a mere, just self-realized, fallen angel,.... making her.... live her life.... with lots of hurdles.... "girna zyaada.. kam samhalna..!!... and so the brutishness is turned to be a bit..... "girly".
I never mean.. I'm sad.. I never can...... & I just can't control my giggle
In brief:
Sensitive, Ex-cry baby, complicated, love bug, optimistic, nonchalant, bug, Dreamy, talkative chatterbox, kind, vulnerable, bouncy, flick, mix-masala, lucky, choosy, trusty, spiritual, literate, caring, philosophical, detached from emotions to an extent...... and so on....

None knows about anyone.... they just understand the latter's behavior patterns....In other words.. accept them for what they are....Thats where you be yourself....Not judging.. but accepting me.. for what I am..!!!!!!!


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R A J A S H R E E there's nothing wrong with my name. If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.. Cause there ain't any person who knows me.. or perhaps i never let it out... And i believe.. no one knows you more that yourself.. all they can do is.. to understand you...!!! I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It. I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life... I don't mind you judging me.. but keep the verdict for yourself..!!! This is my blog so Click [X] on top... if you hate it...


----------------------------------------------------x


The numb legs.. reach the gravity prone floor of the cold house.. with lots of strain... voices of morning chants echoing down her lobes...she sits upright.. perhaps a bit inclined... turns around.. sees the live alarm..waking her with the soft scream, (Moms have this habit of saving the kid from the disciplinarian Dads)..... never tactile.. Orthodox cultures... feels the cozy bed...reaches for the pillow on the other end... places her head onto the softer side...
and here she goes back to her dreams of the whimsical...and yet the painful regrets.. lucidly dreaming... and back to the wonderful world where it is always what she decides...
Thats me..!!!
well.... whatever you understand...!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Think you know me??

Think again... and if you're sure... go ahead... else... Back off!!



I'm just a Mere BIG Bug, that you could never ever had imagin'd of...never met...never heard...
Ok now m fed up of the terminology Bug..!!!
This is Rajashree.. a.k.a Raj..a not so typical teenage gurl.. from an orthodox family.... sometimes seems I'm not a part of it though!!!
I'm basically..... A swinger in moods..( some say otherwise too.. :P )...Can't stay angry or cry for more than quarter to an hour in average....But manages to giggle and keep smiling, for god knows why, 24x7... anger at the tip of the blunt nose... makin it sharper...but cud be jus chill'd like da process of pasteurization... :P
Its just a Hot mixture with sugar...what you take matters...!!!

Don't adjectify me... Find me weird?!?!....Break it straight... I don't act and so i want ORIGINALITY.....Life's a stage.. yeah i agree...We are actors....True... But act.....Just don't over (re)act..!!!! Puhleez...!!

Some great person said.... Life's too short to be someone else... so Be Yourself..!!!!

I'm just what i am... a tomboy.... a non-gurlie gurl dogie....a flypflop chatterbox... a bug.... and so on,... I jus don't care.... Cuz i know It jus dusn' make a difference.....Weirdo...!?!?!

Perhaps.. Uniqueness is also weird... But I just don't say I stand out of crowd.... Its that I'm Unique JUST LIKE OTHERS..!!!

Viola.....That's me in a few words.. oops that's few for me.....
summariz'd... Just another square peg which is now fed up of trying to fit into a round hole and is standing steady on its base..!!!

After wasting precious hours of cry... missing wonderful moments of cheer.... Thinkin of all crap and shit that dwell'd in the past...straining so much for vain... I'm tired of being what you want me to be... so now take me as I'm...

I appreciate your patience and adventure... Thanks for reading my blurbs.. Hope it was of no use as usual... :P



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My Blurb: I'm myself...[:)].......
my life echoes..the sounds of those few i admire the most...my father, my mom..and that holy spirit they're all backed bywithin themselves..and also...myself...within me..I'm everything i wanted to be...My dreams...are what i believe in the most....I'm totally in content with my life..the way it went..the way it goes..and i'm sure...the way it will be too....[:)]i want nothing more...i don't wanna lack any neither...
don't add unless or until you know me...!!



--------------------------------------------------------------


You think... You expect.. you dream.. you search...
all for some one to care for you, to show you unconditional love,...

you are ready to wait the whole life..
For the one who tells you.."i trust you"

Some one who holds your hand, someone who cuddles you, whose clothes absorb your tear as you bury yourself into their shoulders.

The one who you can share the most weirdest of your whims, the most smallest of your faces, the stupidest question, the deadliest fear..

Some who can tell you what would be the words from your mouth for the next sentence... someone you know is there.. everywhere... no where.. else where... but makes you feel their presence every moment you miss...

Someone who speaks optimistic of you,..pessimistic of your foe, doesn't care what you say as a matter of fact.. you slap them and turn back... get ready for a hug from them..!!!!


well..... TRUE??
if the answer is yeah.. and if you had a smile...
i'm sorry.. you expect too much...
Cause... if you want the above... I'd be the last person in the world who you have to look up to..!!!!


Strangers... please search for yourself.. the SAFEST WAY OUT!!!!

The kitty n the "Mr ya Miss" Turtle...... new guests in campus...

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I tot i saw a putty cat.. I diiid I diid chaw a putty cat..!!!
There's this new member into our DJAD campus..
the kitten... she's cute.. adorable and what else... a white cat.. not even half foot tall...walking majestic..(though she's scared of stangers)....attatched and too cuddly wuddly..

She walks as if to conquer the world.. her claws clutches on your finger and she tries to bite your skin off.. with her rice grain tooth... She finds my jean so edible.. :P
Well she isn't in my studio so... i don't realy know her...

And yeah the other guests... Turtles...
I just passed through the PG studio... hearing people speaking and diya just called me.... "wanna see turtles"
The overwhelmed me... quickened my pace nearer to the table.. where in i see People standing with a not even quatre foot long turtle in his hand.. trying to examine its sex.. Poor lil turtle potrayed his fear by pulling his baby lil limbs into the beautifully pattern'd shell...
A fact was just passed by then... "we don't know its sex.... until it turns 40"
I was engrosed in thoughts of deepti being a 60 year old femals.. checking her tortoise's sex... :P
and somthing jus irritated me.. i could feel a sense of corrosion on my pants.. something vibrated.. and there i go.. "it was a call.."

A Music review...

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Hope You've heard of the new band in the street... "the script"??the genre being indie... the music's just fresh....
Man they Rock....well i just happened to listen to a few of their tracks.. and this post is on... The track.. "The man who can't be moved"
This was one awesome track which moved my heart...  something that makes me feel his pain..:)
well it goes like...The guy who's waitin for his love to come back...He waits for her at the place where they first met.. the idea is, when she comes back..... well.. its better i post the lyrics.. :P
and my favorite lines are.. 
"Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be, 
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet, 
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street."








____________________________________________________________
Going back to the corner where I first saw you, 
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move, 
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand, 
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am, 
Some try to hand me money they don't understand, 
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man, 
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do, 
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you... 

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, 
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be, 
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet, 
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving... 
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here, 
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows, 
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, 
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be, 
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet, 
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving... 
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving... 
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl... 
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world... 
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved, 
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news, 
And you'll come running to the corner... 
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved... 

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, 
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be, 
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet, 
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving... 
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving... 
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you, 
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

the Firing star!!!!

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"I never knew you should wish when you see a shooting star... and ever since i knew... i never found one to wish.. and when i saw... there was no wish in my mind.. :)"


After a long day of rendering....and some hot coffee and.. some "bakwaaz" talks with friends.... Boof....the power went off.... we all left out.. check'd "Man the sky's clear..!!!!!"

We rushed to the Car park.. the top to garage..
The place which feels like... heaven to sit and cry.. to cherish and laugh... to gossip and prank.... to discuss.. and yeah to lie down and see the beautiful universe across....
"across the universe..."

So, I was lying down on the Garage top... talking.. or more preferably blabering... the plansd of my own house...
How 'd design its interiors all by my own.. i always wished i could have a glass top roof.... wich is so plane that you don't see the glass joints... seemingly... a bare sky sheltering you... But yeah... in the centre of the house. on the top floor... Because, I loe kids.. i love them playing around... and i love my grass roof too...!!!
and imagine... the rain drops... man i'd seem like they're falling ito our eye.. and yeah i'm sure.. someday... i'll close my eyes anticipating the drop to fall on my eyes.. :P
Remember the "Saint Gobain" ad of the fatso women and the chinese guy at the resto?? Lolzz.. that indeed was and excellent ad..!!!

We just walked down.. and there i saw.. "a falling star".. or perhaps "a shooting star", I heard some one say.. wish something.... quick.. but i had nothing to wish.... nothing personal.. nor did i have any practical wishes.. :P
I jus wished so socially just like a gud human... and just kept walking.. i was astonished..
i perhaps have no idea of which word should be entered here.. ecstatic, probably. i duno!!!
the last time i saw a shooting star.. was at Palghat, with mom and gradma..and grampa warning us not to lie on the terrace... Mom was hearing granny gossip.. and yeah there was someone along with us.. dunno who..!!!
I never knew you should wish when you see a shooting star... and ever since i knew... i never found one to wish.. and when i saw... there was no wish in my mind.. :)

Then we just sat at our place in front of the main block, the reception... I just looking at the charm...
I just still wonder.. what if ther's another world.. another solar system.. of whatever they namedit.. there'd be some language.. they'd breathe eat.. live.. would have invented.. may be they still have dinosaurus as their pets..!!
Some day they might do space research.. or whatever they name it as... and come here.. thinkin we are alienns.... :)
i know i think a lot.. but i guess every one has this same question running in their mind..
when ever i think of these.. i dont know... i feel so low.. somethig makes me or perhaps pushes me into the minority.. something makes me feel.. there's no way i can know these.. and if i'm asking someone of all ths.. they think.. one of the nuts have gone loose....!!!

I still have this running in my mind... why are we here.. what do we live for.. who are we.. what is life.. why do we speak.. whey do we love...who is god?? where is he... Is there God??
what is birth... where do we go after we die.. can i see my next generation from heaven....????????
it just makes me feel like a loser.... something that i can never figure out.. a question of all questions which has no solution...




Reality in realms

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I stand.. right here...looking through the empty corridor...through the concrete slits.. enchanted by the views.. and deeply drenched in the thoughts...Perhaps god was painting then..!!!The wonderful patter of splash.. in clouds... It was like... a kid who just jumped on the water on the road... the freedom of the droplets of splashing water.. the refreshing touch of it on your skin.. the feel of freshness in blood.. the cold fusion of water on the warm blooded container... righteously gave me goosebumps.... !!!!I stand there for some more time... the cool breeze chilling my senses... taking away my fears.. drying the wet droplets of tears running down my cheeka.. i stand right there. for the sun to set... and so did it...

my shiny star!

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ever noticed....
Somethings in life.. are never considered important....
like... what i noticed 2 days back..
walking down on the ramp..

I just trembled down my steps
one step front and up, my eyes see the clouds..
Just one single star shining bright..
I look at it as it moves my way..
I go ahead it goes ahead of me...
seemed, 'twas challenging me..
"catch me if you can"

I walk backways..
to check..
and now it seemed.. i'll catch ya kiddoh..!!! :P

Stars are the Happiness in life.. they just walk along...
Perhaps.. if u really are a noticer.. take it this way..
The stars are the sorrows.. the always seem to follow you where ever you go...
Either ways... You are not deprived nor are you alone..!!!

Unsurity!

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I'm still not sure of what should be my next line here..But one thing is for sure.. mind being free... anything the fingers do are just so great...
Today,i was just sitting on the table in the canteen, with a chosen friend... silence in the air... a small hole in the asbestos sheating behind me letting a tinge of the sunlight on my blue kurta, making it shimmer at a point... I didn't know.. i was just doing nothing.. sitting... as i kept my legs tapping on the unstable legs of the table making a suttle voice.. or perhaps a sweet noise.for some reason m legs just stopped moving and the only movement in me were the cluttering of my eye lids... i kept looking at the green leaves glossy with the rain drops reflectin the truant sunlight... the arrangement of the seating.. the black glossy tyres... the fresh smell of soil and cool breeze that bristled them with love...
Time passed by and,... i realise suddenly.. there is someone into my little world now... i could here foot steps and  voices of people giggle, laugh, talk and yeah some more.... There was no more peace but an air of chaos all around me.. i realised now its time to get going... and just jumped off.. looking at my feet banging on the floor, making the dust on it to rise and pave way for me.... i walked out...thinking.. Nothing!!!!

An inner burst-ology..

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Its a new lesson everyday...
A few minutes to a few hours of simple chat or just a harmless talk...a journey into each other's past.. Man... its got a hell of truth hidden...
It aint easy to know a person so soon... so is it tough to judge someone and trust...
Who knows the one you trusted had told all the intimate secrets you had told them to another person who they think is trusty.. and that person is really one hell of a "trustworthy" and a perfect example of Fidelity?!?!?!
But still these secrets may inculcate some Ideas that you never wanted that person to develop about you?
Thank god of of the trustworthy and Fidel helped me out.. opened my eyes about being able to "judge and then trust" kinds... which I'm not sure how I could ever turn out to be.. which is totally Not ME!!!!

Bottom line: Learn to judge and think before you trust chapter explained.. :)

A normalian tribune...

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so, Today...
Hmm.. just another normal day..naah... somethin should be special...
yeah work.. a bit of work and lot of play.. maketh you tired..
Blog's on the ways decorated..

Bottom line... "mother nature's showers of blessing pour down on me.. chilling my spirits and the anger... and part two.. Pulling down self esteem which already is in a ragged clothing altogether.."

My first Post Ici.. (space and chaos)

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So this being my first post in this Blog...I'd like to confirm myself what is this totally gonna be...
This aint no love letter.. for lost love.. lush.. crush etc., etc., nor is it moods of my own inside which is not reveal'd.. but is a blog on..
The space around me..The chaotic space around me..The seemingly ordered, chaotic space around me.. The people oriented.. seemingly ordered chaotic space around me..
and so.. This is not me.. but the world through my eyes.. from my shoes.. with or without the socks.. 'cause it aint DISCIPLINE at all... Its all about... Whats going around me.. reflected to my blog through my own "seemingly huge" eyes..!!!!
Cheers to myself..!!!