Showing posts with label all about why?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label all about why?. Show all posts

The Volition

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How did you feel when you held that weapon of destruction in your hand,
looked all around and,
What did you think?
Did you just even for a moment out of curiosity think
Of using its vile superpower against someone or the world...
Did that thought even cross your mind that power gives you immense freedom?
The power in your hands to create or destroy
To nail it down or to compromise,
To stay there and witness or to bailout and shiver!

Theory of innocence

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­When I was a little girl I had my own theories about the world as I knew it. One thing I was firm about, we lived on the inside of the earth as geography called it, the mantle. Someone had already told me that the earth was round so strike out the option of it being a planar surface. So, the only other conclusion was that the earth was made of concentric spheres. There was a core, the land we lived on and the blue sky with empty space between the land and the space, the universe where everything flew.
The sky was of two hemispheres – one with holes- the stars and the other with a huge round lamp that changed its colour from orange – yellow to white, widely known as the Sun. The sky rotated about an axis as my geography teacher told me but the land stayed still. If the land rotated, I’d have known right! It did move once a while and we named it earthquake! Outside the world was bright white light – whose source I didn’t really give much of a thought about.
The night side of the sky had holes of multiple sizes one big hole that had some dirt on it; I guess God hadn’t had time to clean the glass. And numerous other small holes that kept twinkling.
I also believed that the airplanes could fly through the little holes at night and go to the other countries or may be visit the God but not the birds ‘cause they were pretty huge for the size of the holes... Aliens with green skin and huge poppy eyes lived there in those other countries outside! I’ve spend so many hours wondering how small would those people in the airplanes be, were they smaller than the people on TV or the ones that hid inside my radio? I thought maybe, just maybe the sky was made of glass, tinted blue –dark and light.
Sometimes the sphere leaked or cracked causing thunderstorms. My grandmother tried convincing me that it was the Gods taking a shower or bursting firecrackers. I used to laugh at how naïve she sounded; I mean come on, how stupid is that!
The other theory was that the stars were little lights that hung from the sky and the twinkling was because there was a power shortage!
This one time I was lying down on the terrace at my grandparents and couldn’t figure out what that falling star was. They were just, some birds bumping into one of the strings making one of the stars to sway and fall. Ah, the poor thing!
The clouds, they were the smoke that gets out of the little airplanes that fly. It made me go like, “Oh golly, look at the size of those things!” looking at them and making recognizable shapes of people, things and animals!
The day I experienced my first hailstorm, I was thinking, may be grandma was right; God's probably having a party up there and ice cubes are falling ;)
I’ve always had a thing for the skies and stars and since the beginning of time as I’ve known it, I've spent hours lying down on the cold floor of my terrace wondering if someone from the other worlds (continents) outside the earth was lying down on the terrace n wondering about the same thing as me.
Before I could finalize on the theory education somehow managed to ruin me and I was forced to believe that we lived on the surface and somehow didn’t fall off it because of some strange sticky thing called gravity.

Yet another day

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Today, 24th August 2012.
I made the most beautiful illustrations I've ever made in my life... and shed the most beautiful teardrops I never knew existed. I guess you just don't deserve an all positive day ever.

- A curse!

what the hell, who cares?

Posted by Rajashree G Iyer - 0 comments


I’m not all that pretty to look,
But for all you know, they say,
You shouldn’t judge by the cover of the book.

I can be very irritating at all times,
But there’s no rule that the person knows
That he or she is the one to be blamed.
I just say I’m way too inquisitive.

I don’t realize either of the facts,
Neither the beauty nor the irritating part.
To me I’m just as pretty as everyone else
And I walk around seeking attention that
I believe I deserve
Frankly, I don’t feel guilty of doing this,
Unless you keep reminding me to be.

The other day, A taxi driver caught me staring at him. Why was I staring at him? Because, something about him intrigued me. He was looking at himself in the rear view mirror, just the way I used to stare at myself, at the blank screen of my LCD, the mirror, my phone’s display when it is turned off. Did I say I used to? Correction – I still do, and I love doing that. Ok back to the story, he wasn’t particularly handsome or anything, I neither found his features angular and symmetric nor his skin tone very pleasing. But still he was looking at himself as if he were looking at a statue made of Swarovski crystals or something. No, I don’t blame him. Everybody has some pleasing features, some are gifted with a couple of them and very few have not more than one imperfection and that’s whom we consider handsome or pretty. For him he was good to look at, or that’s what I made myself believe. But why was I staring at him? I have his habit – I see something and start thinking and my eyes pause and cease to move. Not very often do I realise that I’m staring at someone before they notice. This time was no exception, yes he looked at me and gave a smile, and that gave me an uncanny feeling, my defensive sense was gushing to action to let him know that “dude no! I’m not checking you out”. And that definitely was strong; my head just involuntarily turned to the other side like the release of a coiled spring and by then my face had shifted from the ‘I’m thinking’ expression to a frown. By then it was too late, he was smiling at me. How did I know? You might ask. Well, I was seeing from the corner of my eye. I love grabbing attention and don’t quite know the next step. The taxi was on the roadside and I was in an auto which was stuck in traffic. The traffic cleared my auto moved on but the thought was still pondering in my head.
Does everyone, regardless of their shape, size and colour, think they’re pretty or good to look at? Then why is it that I believe deep inside that I am ugly or wait is that not too deep inside that I feel ugly? Well, its not just about me in here. Does everyone believe they are beautiful?  (Note: this is the first time I wrote beautiful)
I even asked a friend about this, and I don’t quite remember if they actually answered it at all. So I made myself believe that everyone thinks they are good looking in their own ways and that there is nothing wrong in believing that and it doesn’t cost you a thing!

well... ok but WHY?

Posted by Rajashree G Iyer - 0 comments

I miss those days
when I could just randomly ramble and rhyme
with a few Fidel admirers down the corner asking me to write them a few words or even more instead!
Some asking me why I didn't opt for journalism rather than design (seriously?)
and the others asking me to start copyrighting (That reminds me I still haven't read up on what that term means exactly)
Ok enough beating around the bushes now...

I miss those days
When I could choose between making sense
and to rhyme
when I had the freedom to write nonsense
and waste all my time

I miss those days
When family stays away from your secrets
The dirty and the wild
you chose who reads what and spare all the regrets
getting your priorities nailed!

I miss those days
when I was just learning
and hence I can make mistakes on a daily basis.
Eat Ice creams when it is raining
and write about it a blog, like a thesis.

Now I am old and have to impress
Strangers and random people who might search me on Google
"Be professional and give your blog a proper address,
'cuz otherwise you'd have to struggle!"

I miss those days
when writing down emotions were so relieving;
read it on a later day, and shed a tear drop or two.
And Hell No, I don't wanna write for a living,
Because that's not what I am Here to do!!







in encounter with the end...

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One who has walked through the tunnel of light would be able to respond to me in coherence... irony is something that still reminds me i'm alive!

Is life just the distance between the two points birth and death?
and whats that which is said, Death and beyond?
do you earn love just to teach,
how to miss when i'm gone?
how to cry, how to get devoid,
how to just, learn to kill myself
to give up the life, where you are nowhere.

sometimes i think I'm religious,
and the rest, I'm sure of being an atheist with a spiritual face.
but if god does exist, can't he give a 3 month notice before taking life.
says one part of my wandering mind,

the other part believes, if its sure to be death,
be it uninformed, be it random but...
why not give it swifter and in moments puff you reach the light,
no more walking slowly, advancing with painful little leaps to the end of the tunnel
where the angels or the demons,
wait for you with wishes or curses...

death has always been and will be a fascinating topic to discuss upon...
but not like today,
when i see a man with his leg twisted lying under the tyre tracks,
his legs are contorted?? why?? oh yeah i know now (as i take a glance on the other side of his dead body)... his intestine or whatever they are are already out there lying under the tyres, with blood and he has a blank reaction on his face, neither pain nor the suffering of it... he is dead, even before he realized. he must have flown through the tunnel for sure..!

the guy down my floor...

Posted by Rajashree - 0 comments

His name is nitish, he's small, cute and adorable and Intuitive!
whenever me or dad go on to our bike or when mom walks out through the gates, he says.. "hi" and we say Hi...and then he'll be like... "where are you going?"... we'd say.. the location..and then the next questions "why do you need to go??". That put me into trouble for the first time.
Too often when i go somewhere i know where i'm going and how and how long its gonna take, but my real necessity for going there remains unknown to me. A lot of times, we are unaware of the real reason for doing somethings. Haven't we been doing things out of compulsion, you still have no idea nor any regret but keep doing it monotonously without any Reason to do it??
So what? we still do the same now... decades past... like i dont really know why i write blogs, take quiz on facebook!

dad's girl.. part 1.

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we were walking, when Dad tossed a coin at the begger on the pavement of Race course.
Since i joined DJ, i've not been a regular walker unlike dad who cribbs for missing a day! anyways, today was no special than any other day but just that thought that dad gives him money everyday struck me. I out of curiosity asked him, "do you give him money everyday??". His answer was quite what i expected but the reason startled me. He said a yes in a simple nod and added, "in a few more years, you cant see people begging on the road much" he said in a melancholious tone and i wondered isn't that something to be happy about?
Guess he noted my reaction and continued his defence or perhaps the reason as it should be adressed, "you wont get punya then cause you cant do charity, so better do it now so that you accumlate enough of virtue to take us to heaven" and he smiled as we fastened our pace.

all i could do was shrug.... but deep in me the lunatic started working again...'nice thought process' it said in a low tone only i could hear!

but why??

Posted by Rajashree - 0 comments

me n mom were just leaving home...
i was waiting for her in my usual pose, sitting on the dio, hands folded on the speedo, that was when the boy from the groundfloor, nitish (appu) i suppose.. shouted out through the netted window.. his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm, (he just loves it when my mom goes on a walk!!), "where are you going aunty??" in his typical kid's tamil. It struck me for a moment.. did he just ask where i am going? is he supposed to ask that? isn't it considered to be inauspicious that way?

Well.. these thoughts just took a second to pass by...actually not even a second just a fraction, but the thought of why is still haunting me.
Is it just because someone had adviced me not to ask anyone where they are going, because they believed it was inauspicious and that the task that they are going would not turn out successful. Is it so deeply etched in my mind that it takes me away for a moment and lets me back, its fascinating the way mind works. BUT WHY is it so complicated to understand?

Computers... what have they done to me??

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Its Jagannathan’s class now… on technical studies... and we are watching videos “modern marvels...” This current video is on the evolution of how... a computer was born... I’m drowsy and needed a siesta... so I just curled down the handle of my plastic chair… cloaking myself behind kamal’s back…. Thoughts just glided on my mind... a slideshow of the timeline... of my life… and computers…
I remember... when I was quite young... well... like about in my 4th or 5th class.... Mom had this course organized by school on computers at CSC, a famous chain of computer tutors in Coimbatore as well as in Tamilnadu... (I never liked them :|)
well, coming back to the story, I had gone there with mom... one day...and I saw these kids of my age... from a bit more of posh family I guess, learning computers... they were drawing some lines in black on a white page with a mechanical device which they held on their hand.. It was strange... yet amusing to my young mind... I wondered what it was... and asked them and the tutor said they are learning "paint" I was like what on earth is that...?? Since then… my young mind had an interest on learning that “box full of fun”.

Once when I went to my dad’s office, a nice college of my dad spoke to me with all care n affection... he offered me a picture of my choice from his computer onto my hand... I chose a dancing peacock…And voila, a half A4 sized photograph of my favorite picture in my hand in just a matter of a few minutes. I still have that picture in my diary of chocolate wrappers and birthdates. Whenever dad used to call me there was this sound of the inkjets behind his back… I used to wonder if I was really awake…
The first time dad took me to the browsing centre with him, I was just made to sit next to him... on the extra stool provided….I used to find it so boring... but still hesitated to express him the fact... I also wanted to use a PC… even I want to search on the net...those were what ran in my head’s LCD screen...
Once… I went with him... go knows what had he felt... he had booked for two cabins in place of one... and obviously it was me in the second… and well… what more would I do.. I drew a Hill in brown with green vegetation over it in paint… for about 30-40 minutes. There was this sense of Creative ability in me…my first ever digital Art!!!
JComputers being my utter love at this age… I used to love it more than anything…I craved for it, dreamt it... and at last... Got it too…
My uncle gifted one of his used computers when I was in my 9th standard…. Only I and the friends around me during the painting workshop know how bouncy I got on that day… My father didn’t really allow me to use it much…. He feared I might spoil it... as I don’t really know how to handle it and also a slight fear of the “viruses”… This added my curiosity to use it even more…. It started a craving for using the computer… dad created my online identity for the first time now… the first yahoo of mine... which doesn’t exist anymore now…

And that being my first ever computer in life… I started learning to use the internet…went with friends to browsing centers, created new ids…. Searched a lot... did a lot…. And still doing a lot… Internets’ taught me a lot… cheated me a lot…made me into something I never thought I could be… never wanted to be… and also a lot of me which I am proud of now…
It made me a blogger…made me more productive, creative…fast paced… and yet... let me be myself… Thanks PC…I’d have been here without you... but... not this happy…!!!

the questions of my question...

Posted by Rajashree - 0 comments

well...
every point in life..
deserves a question
a question which carries millions of answers...
a question which arises million others..
a question none would ever have thought of...
a question which everyone hesitates to ask..
thats life...
a question of all questions..
a question whose answer none has found as yet
some say there is no answer at all...
and some feel the answer is within you..
actually... a question always has an answer...
how so ever stupid it might be...
may be you are too lazy to find the answer out..
by hitting off the norms of your brain..
or perhaps the answer's too bitter
for you to realize...
either ways, the answer Exists..!!!!


people say,
you never question about your existence,
you never ask what life is,
you never are inquisitive,
and never would you think of such a question..
which your so called mighty brain says...
Is Stupid to think of..
well..
truth is that,
you ask what is life...
you think over it
you sleep over the question.
and when you realize you are'nt really sleeping
cause the question's eating more than half
of your unused cerebrum, cerebellum.. and what so ever is there...
you quarantine it in the "stupid question list" or,
vault it as a non answerable statement,
like the political issue of "who'll take responsibility"
and thats it... its dead..
someday again you think...
repeat all steps from point 0
may ba try a different way..
and the answer is the same..
null change..
get back to sleep...

One day,
the inquisitive you,
goes online, or reads some book..
you see, people with your same questions
some great person has answered them..
you don't think but would just accept..
cause what he said seema absolutely perfect
you thinks he's great
you start worshiping him..
but what he deserves is not a worship..
Its an appreciation..

You search for anwers on the book, magazines..
and god knows where else "some one elses brain have worked"
the one thing you missed..
is search within you...
well.. its totally agreeable that you don't know...
but why can't one think over the fact.. "how did that person arrive at the answer for my question, which i seem to accept??"

Thats where you come into the shoes of enlightenment...
people wont accept this last line..
"Shoes"... "enlightenment"?!?!?
cause its in the mind that most of the enlightened people don't wear shoes..
they walk bare footed....
so what.. lets make a difference..
lets wear the boots of enlightenment.. which prtects you
from stepping on shits of ignorance,
from the thorns of stupidity,
bugs of impeccable flaws... :P
and well o well.... keep you safe and clean..!!!

i neither blame nor preach...
its just my stupidity that i corrected..
all the "you"s used to go to me...
so when does it go off from you????






Unsurity!

Posted by Rajashree - 0 comments

I'm still not sure of what should be my next line here..But one thing is for sure.. mind being free... anything the fingers do are just so great...
Today,i was just sitting on the table in the canteen, with a chosen friend... silence in the air... a small hole in the asbestos sheating behind me letting a tinge of the sunlight on my blue kurta, making it shimmer at a point... I didn't know.. i was just doing nothing.. sitting... as i kept my legs tapping on the unstable legs of the table making a suttle voice.. or perhaps a sweet noise.for some reason m legs just stopped moving and the only movement in me were the cluttering of my eye lids... i kept looking at the green leaves glossy with the rain drops reflectin the truant sunlight... the arrangement of the seating.. the black glossy tyres... the fresh smell of soil and cool breeze that bristled them with love...
Time passed by and,... i realise suddenly.. there is someone into my little world now... i could here foot steps and  voices of people giggle, laugh, talk and yeah some more.... There was no more peace but an air of chaos all around me.. i realised now its time to get going... and just jumped off.. looking at my feet banging on the floor, making the dust on it to rise and pave way for me.... i walked out...thinking.. Nothing!!!!

An inner burst-ology..

Posted by Rajashree - 0 comments

Its a new lesson everyday...
A few minutes to a few hours of simple chat or just a harmless talk...a journey into each other's past.. Man... its got a hell of truth hidden...
It aint easy to know a person so soon... so is it tough to judge someone and trust...
Who knows the one you trusted had told all the intimate secrets you had told them to another person who they think is trusty.. and that person is really one hell of a "trustworthy" and a perfect example of Fidelity?!?!?!
But still these secrets may inculcate some Ideas that you never wanted that person to develop about you?
Thank god of of the trustworthy and Fidel helped me out.. opened my eyes about being able to "judge and then trust" kinds... which I'm not sure how I could ever turn out to be.. which is totally Not ME!!!!

Bottom line: Learn to judge and think before you trust chapter explained.. :)